Kicking against the pricks

Acts 9:5 And he said Who art thou, Lord? And the Lord said, I am Jesus whom thou persecutest: it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks.

The last phrase of this bible verse has been coming to my mind lately. I have been seriously struggling with motherhood the past couple of weeks. Life has been hard with my three little birds. This is my own fault. I’ve been to do my own agenda with little regard to what Finley and Eleanor need from me. The results of this selfishness on my part have been exhausting.

Toddlers are not the most reasonable to begin with, but when they are happy it makes life easier. Ok so I’m not saying I need to give in to their every whim. I have been slacking lately in several areas that I believe are essential to happy children: they need attention, consistent meals and snacks, teaching them, creative play.

Basically in trying to barely get by with the bare minimum with the kids, I’m making things soo hard for myself.

On thinking about why all the madness and crying and yelling was happening, I’ve come to a life changing conclusion and the solution is so obvious. I need to fill myself up before I can take care of my kids. Most nights I go to sleep exhausted and in the mornings I’m awoken by the kids waking me up. It hasn’t always been this way and I’m trying to give myself grace. I’m nursing Jake and he really just likes to be held most of the time. I’m not always eating as properly as I should be and I get few breaks to just be by myself and think straight.

But, and this is the biggest thing, I’m not reading my bible. Sure I start to read it but then I stop. My own selfish wants (Instagram) get in my way. I know if I start to consistently read, then I’ll truly be taking care of myself. By filling up my cup first, I can pour into other’s cups. Specifically and most importantly, I can fill up my family’s cups.

Life is hard right now because I spend all my time taking care of our physical needs and I am failing to take care of our spiritual needs. At the beginning of the year, I decided my phrase for the year will be “choose joy.” Since then, I saw a photo of this phrase where someone had crossed out the word joy and wrote “Jesus” under it. I love this! It’s so true because my joy does come from Jesus and apart from him I’m going to fail to be joyful.

I feel like we kind of need a reset. We all seem to be out of sorts and just fussy in general. Sometimes I feel as if the kids are only happy when I’m holding them or just sitting on the couch with them and I really don’t want that. A reset would be good for us all around.

Hitch goals no. 6

Happy April! The temperatures are getting warmer, the days are longer, and we have spent 5 out of the past 7 days outside. And only because it rained and then it was Sunday so we were in church. I just love this time of year, I love being outside with everything turning green and growing again! I’m trying to not overload myself with a lot of projects and limit to 3 or 4 ideas.

As far as last month’s goals go, I did great! We got the yard fenced in and mowed once and I “worked out” approximately 3 times. I completely cleaned off my bookshelf and restyled it with less stuff, less truly is more! And we had lots of veggies as our side dishes. So delicious.

  1. Clear off dresser surfaces in our bedroom. It’s so easy for stuff to creep in and cover both the dresser and chest of drawers that we have. I’m tired of feeling suffocated in my room and getting these things cleared off will help sooo much!
  2. Make an Easter bunny garland.
  3. Work on back porch. We fenced in a small area in the backyard that includes the back porch and I have a lot of plans for this space!
  4. Spring clean the house! Ok so I’ve never done a super deep clean of our house and something crazy happened last week and I feel totally grossed out by my house now and I want to just take everything out, clean the house, and put about half the stuff back in lol!

Meal Plan no. 16

I am slowly moving out of my food rut and am looking forward to some yummy dinners this week!

This is what we’re eating:

Sunday: Grilled shrimp, potatoes, asparagus

Monday: Grilled chicken tacos, corn, sweet potatoes

Tuesday: Must-goes

Wednesday: Meatballs, corn, potatoes

Thursday: Bagel bites, edamame

Friday: Dinner with family

Saturday: Breakfast for dinner

thoughtful thursday

this isn’t as thoughtful as much as it is just a brain dump. I have so much to do, like, to straighten up and I feel like I can’t think straight until I talk about it a little bit. I am a very routine person and then things come up that mess up my routines and then I don’t keep up with things the way I normally do. So things build up and then I look around and my house has just exploded.

Right now I am looking at the kitchen. I did a major grocery shopping trip yesterday and when I got home I had major help getting it all inside and all out of the bags. Unfortunately a lot of it is still on the counters. Being gone all day long and then coming home with stuff that I need to do is so hard with three little ones who really need my attention. They’re getting more independent all the time but they still just need me. I almost always choose them, too. It’s important that they see me tidy up and do housework but it’s also important to choose them when I’ve been away all day.

Also, laundry piled up as it always does when I’m busy. I try to do laundry all in one day. It is the best way that works for me, #projectbrain, and every once in a while my laundry routine gets thrown off. Soooo annoying.

Finally, the biggest distraction of all: the floor and all the stuff that ends up on it. Because children. And an ability to just overlook a couple things on the floor until it becomes too much. I have thoughts on that last sentence but I’m still organizing them to make sense. I feel like this little post doesn’t make a lot of sense, but it has helped me get everything out of my brain and that was the point.

Ok! I’m off to do something, I’ll update later.

Meal plan no. 15

I’m not feeling very organized this week meal-wise. Probably because I’m writing this on a Sunday night after a very busy weekend. After running out of ground beef again last week, I have decided to try out buying the majority of the meat we eat at the same time. I usually freeze most of it in smaller meal size portions anyway so I think this would be a good plan!

Here’s what we’re eating this week:

Sunday: Hamburgers

Monday: Spaghetti

Tuesday: Chili

Wednesday: Pizza

Thursday: Pan grilled chicken

Friday: Dinner with famiky

Saturday: Meatballs

What I’m loving: Rainbows

I think I’ve mentioned before that since we have been decluttering I have been drawn to having more color in my decor and life. It has been so great! One of the people I follow on Instagram, The Nester, has a bookshelf with her books sorted by color and I fell in love with it!

I’ve been trying to find ways that I can do something similar in my house. It has been a little difficult to do a whole bookshelf like I wanted because most of my books are various shades of blue or white. So I just put my project on hold for a little bit and regrouped. Then I realized that I didn’t have to do a whole bookshelf, duh! I was able to use my cookbooks, a couple of regular books, and some devotionals that I have. And I love how it turned out!

I also sorted the kids’ DVDs by color and put the mostly white ones on either side to be kind of like “clouds.” I really like how it looks and that it’s kind of a subtle organized look.

Meal Plan no. 14

Things might be looking up for meal choices. Or maybe with the seasons changing and Jakey getting older and a little more independent that I’m able to do more in the kitchen. Whatever it is, I’m glad to not be in such a rut!

Here’s what we’re eating this week:

Sunday: Bagel bites

Monday: Spaghetti

Tuesday: Dinner with family

Wednesday: Hamburgers

Thursday: Must-goes

Friday: Dinner with family

Saturday: Out to eat

Some of my new favorites

A couple of weeks ago we went to Gulfport to pick Kevin up from the airport and then went to eat lunch at a fun place nearby. I had such a good time and got done great pictures of the kids. They are my new favorite pictures of our family and I’m going to print them out to replace our old family pictures!

What Clutter Can Do

Right now I’m lounging on my couch holding a sleeping babe and listening to my other two having fun playing in their room aka making a big mess. I’m cringing with every loud noise I hear from them dumping out another box of hot wheels or little people. I’ve already put up 100 large LEGO blocks and hid the box of alphabet blocks. Those tend to just be thrown about. With every crash I think of how bad I want to go in and do another purge of toys.

I found a journal from two years ago right before Eleanor was born. Almost every time I wrote, I wrote about how much I needed to clean and it was always the same things. I never made any progress no matter how much I straightened and cleaned. The messes were still there and so was my frustration.

I am so glad to not be in that place anymore! It’s easier to keep the house straight and I’m usually more ready for people to visit. Surprisingly, I’ve realized that I love bright colors in my decor more than I thought. There was too much going on in my house, there was no room left for bright and pretty. So I found myself drawn to more neutral decor because my mind craved the calmness it provided.

I also have more room to pursue more creative projects. It was as if I couldn’t concentrate or even commit to doing something because I didn’t have the mental capacity from all the clutter in my physical space. Even if I wanted to make something for myself, I often never even got started on it.

In addition to getting rid of clutter, we got rid of a lot of what houses clutter! For instance, I had a ladder bookshelf on the wall next to my piano that had a lot of books and several knick knacks and pictures. This was actually the first thing that I decluttered back in August. I had been feeling for a while like there was too much in the house like on the walls and there was too much furniture that went all the way up to the ceiling. So when I got back from my trip to Dallas and I walked in the house and the first thing I saw was that bookshelf holding just a lot of things that I didn’t even care about, I took everything off and got rid of it. I kept about half the stuff that was on there and donated or threw away the rest.

We’ve gotten rid of several pieces of furniture since then and have had to find places for anything we wanted to keep. It’s crazy to think about how much we had in the house just to hold everything. Although we have gotten rid of so so much, it feels like we still have the same amount. But only because in addition to decluttering the small stuff, we also decluttered the big stuff that held the small stuff.

It feels like our house is still bursting at the seams with stuff. I’m not sure if we’ll ever get finished or if decluttering is going to be a lifelong process. I hope not because I am so weary of throwing so much in the trash. I am weary of feeling so wasteful and hopeful that our consumption will continue to slow to almost an end.

Plans for the yard!

First off, I love being outside. Maybe not all the time, but since I spend the majority of my time inside with the three littles, I especially love my time I get to spend outside now. I’m ready now to get the yard in order, specifically the front of the house. Also, my potting bench that my dad built me is super cluttered and I need to clean that up.

My biggest focus right now is the front bed and the flower bed I’m attempting to build. I want to get some pine straw to neaten everything up and also to use a deterrent for weeds to keep growing. I have huge elephant ears in the bed, Kevin loves them! And at one point I planted garlic and it keeps coming back. This past week I noticed some garlic stalks coming up again!

I’m just going to let both of the plants grow and see what happens. I’m hoping that they can both grow there this year and when the elephant ears die out when it gets colder again, then I can harvest the garlic. I just have to keep Kevin from weed eating it all down. If I keep the bed weeded, then he won’t have to weed eat it. We’ll see how all that goes.

I’ve always dreamed of having beautiful flower beds blooming and I’ve slowly been collecting bulbs from friends who have divided their flowers in the spring time. I like doing it this way because I have an extremely hard time making decisions on what to get and I don’t really know what I’m doing. So when somebody gives some bulbs away then that is one less decision for me to make.

The past several years I’ve always focused on gardens and doing big things. Those were my dreams, though! Since we’ve been decluttering and cleaning up, that has slowly moved to us doing things outside as well. The more we do, the more it clears up for me to focus on the basic things that need tending to.

I’m still going to plant and grow a couple of herbs and vegetables this year. I love growing my own food even if I don’t always eat it. I’ll probably just grow them in pots on the porch, Kevin hates having to mow and weed eat around all my projects. So this year I’m trying to make it where he doesn’t have as much to do in the yard.

I’m looking at it like you have to start somewhere and where I already started needs a little attention. So now it’s time for a restart and spring is a great time to give everything a little TLC.