Category: Motherhood

Some Mama Vulnerability

Some days being a parent is so hard. Ok, all days are hard, but some days are exhausting physically and mentally. I have to admit that over the weekend I was having one of those days. So, normally a hard day consists of me being short on temper with the kids and in return the kids react in similar ways by crying and general fussiness.

This time was a little different, the kids were great. They were enjoying their life, having a blast playing and being tiny humans. The problem was solely with me. Sometimes I can get in the mood and I only want to do exactly what I want to do. Um, children do not operate that way by doing what we want them to do. They want to do what they want to do! And what they want is often at odds with what I want. Sound familiar?

In the spring I listened to a podcast episode on the Kindled podcast called “The Victory in the Ordinary.” It is one of my favorite episodes and I recently re-listened to it. Tabitha used a phrase “the kingdom of mom” in reference to being aggravated that the children would dare do anything to mess up her day. That’s how I felt on Friday and Saturday. And then all Saturday evening I couldn’t get that phrase out of my head. Then in Sunday school, we were discussing our daily readings and there was a verse from Matthew that totally clicked!

Matthew 6:24
No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.

I’ve always viewed this verse in regards to the love of money versus the love of God. But it holds so much more meaning than a literal meaning of the word mammon (material wealth or possessions) and I think that is what is so beautiful about the Word of God. I cannot be the mother God has called me to be if I focus solely on myself and my wants. I have been called to raise these tiny humans and I cannot raise them by ignoring them and focusing on myself. And praise God for new mercies every day! Because I really needed it although I didn’t deserve it.

I know I fail at this parenting thing a good bit and I’m just thankful for the grace that God shows me through my toddlers and their love that keeps showing up.

It’s September!

Hi! How is it going? To be honest, for me and my fam, things are going up and down everyday around here. Staying at home with the three littles who all need their mama is exhausting especially when Kevin is gone for work two weeks at a time. I really have let this little space fall to the back burner and although I think about posting all the time, I just never make the time to do it.

Currently we are at the beach with my family for our annual vacation with my parents and my brother and his wife. It’s one of my favorite weeks of the year to just come to a nice little place with a balcony that overlooks the beach and the ocean.

In the past month we have joined a gym and I’m so in love with it! They have childcare and classes and I even have a few sessions with a personal trainer. In the past week and a half or so I’ve been amazed at the change in my energy and willingness to just run and play with the kids even more than I used to do. It’s sooo not the easiest thing to get everyone to in the morning but I really believe it’s totally worth the work. I took my first spin class and am hooked. The instructor is great! I’m going to be at the beach for the next class but next week I’m definitely going to be there!

We are still doing tons of projects around the house. My current one is painting the back patio ceiling. I haven’t picked out a white color yet but maybe I can do that when we get home! We finally got a sink for the kids bathroom and I can’t wait to get that room finished.

I’ve been going to the women’s Sunday school class at church and am loving the intimacy of sitting in a room with loving and kind and supportive women. It is really making me want to read my bible more and study more. I feel like I talk too much because I always have something to comment about the lesson or the devotional readings but Mrs. Gina is our teacher and assures me that’s ok for me talk. And that she even wants us all to have a discussion about the readings and lessons so there’s that!

That’s about it for now with what’s going on in our lives. Nothing too spectacular, just a lot of every day living going on. Ok, I’ll post again soon!

Thoughts for this Thursday

This morning has just totally flown by! I don’t get how my mornings fly by and I hardly get to drink the coffee I want but then the day just drags on after lunch. Like, it’s already lunch time but I still want another cup of coffee! I guess I could always drink one but after a certain time it doesn’t taste as good as it does in the mornings.

I keep telling myself that I am going to start keeping a daily record of all the things that Kevin and I do. I feel like we are always working or finishing a project or cleaning. Oh who am I kidding, we are always cleaning lol. But for real, we do a lot on a daily basis. Let me try and list some real quick:

Thursday: sweep, mop, straighten up toys. Make icing for cupcakes, Kevin helped move my parents.

Wednesday: play date in sumrall, take chickens to the swamp, go get tractor, trailer, and truck from my parents land

Tuesday: clean and move (extremely heavy) couch to Vicksburg, call multiple people about dining room table, move furniture from my parents house to ours

Monday: move table and chairs out of the house, go pick up new chairs from my parents house, move washer and dryer into parents trailer

Sunday: go to church, go to the zoo, take care of cranky kids who didn’t nap(lol!)

So anyways I’m gonna stop there, but that’s a heck of a lot of stuff we have done! And it’s like this alllll the time. I can’t wait for some sort of a break.

So we did get a lot of furniture out of our house! I’m so excited. We have more room now yet our living room doesn’t feel empty. It feels even more balanced than before. We’re still moving things around and working on how we want everything to look but I saw a picture earlier of how it looks now and I really really love it. Nothing matches at all anymore but that’s something we will take care of when we get to that point.

I don’t know if I mentioned it before but Eleanor’s birthday party is this weekend and I need to start working on that! I’m planning on doing mini cupcakes because those are my absolute favorite desserts. I also want to decorate them with rainbow colors! The more minimalist we get, the more drawn to colors I become. I don’t think Kevin knows this yet but oh well! He’ll find out 🙂 I also plan to have snack foods like fruit and veggies, Eleanor loves those too! I want to do some fun decorations but I don’t know if I’ll have the time.

I want to do so many creative projects but I’m just not in a season of life where that’s easily done. I’m deep in the trenches of babyhood and toddlerhood so it feels like my life is one long game of catch up. I’m not trying to complain but I just need to tell somebody that life right now is hard! Lately I’ve been feeling this vibe that everybody expects moms to know what they’re doing. It may be just me and my insecurities, but when I get asked questions by women who aren’t in these trenches, I feel pressure to be right and if I’m not right then that’s not good enough. I don’t believe I’m alone in feeling that way and if that’s the case, it’s not okay. Mothers everywhere of every stage need compassion. None of us know what we’re doing and it is ok that we don’t get everything right sometimes.

Sometimes babies just don’t sleep.

Sometimes three year olds don’t eat.

Sometimes two year olds don’t nap.

It’s okay for all these things to happen. And I’m actually ok when these things happen. Until somebody else asks about it and then the insecurities start. I find myself overwhelmed by this because I have never been an insecure person so to experience these emotions is just crazy feeling.

Ok, that’s all I have today.

Kicking against the pricks

Acts 9:5 And he said Who art thou, Lord? And the Lord said, I am Jesus whom thou persecutest: it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks.

The last phrase of this bible verse has been coming to my mind lately. I have been seriously struggling with motherhood the past couple of weeks. Life has been hard with my three little birds. This is my own fault. I’ve been to do my own agenda with little regard to what Finley and Eleanor need from me. The results of this selfishness on my part have been exhausting.

Toddlers are not the most reasonable to begin with, but when they are happy it makes life easier. Ok so I’m not saying I need to give in to their every whim. I have been slacking lately in several areas that I believe are essential to happy children: they need attention, consistent meals and snacks, teaching them, creative play.

Basically in trying to barely get by with the bare minimum with the kids, I’m making things soo hard for myself.

On thinking about why all the madness and crying and yelling was happening, I’ve come to a life changing conclusion and the solution is so obvious. I need to fill myself up before I can take care of my kids. Most nights I go to sleep exhausted and in the mornings I’m awoken by the kids waking me up. It hasn’t always been this way and I’m trying to give myself grace. I’m nursing Jake and he really just likes to be held most of the time. I’m not always eating as properly as I should be and I get few breaks to just be by myself and think straight.

But, and this is the biggest thing, I’m not reading my bible. Sure I start to read it but then I stop. My own selfish wants (Instagram) get in my way. I know if I start to consistently read, then I’ll truly be taking care of myself. By filling up my cup first, I can pour into other’s cups. Specifically and most importantly, I can fill up my family’s cups.

Life is hard right now because I spend all my time taking care of our physical needs and I am failing to take care of our spiritual needs. At the beginning of the year, I decided my phrase for the year will be “choose joy.” Since then, I saw a photo of this phrase where someone had crossed out the word joy and wrote “Jesus” under it. I love this! It’s so true because my joy does come from Jesus and apart from him I’m going to fail to be joyful.

I feel like we kind of need a reset. We all seem to be out of sorts and just fussy in general. Sometimes I feel as if the kids are only happy when I’m holding them or just sitting on the couch with them and I really don’t want that. A reset would be good for us all around.